The Sharkie Story
by sharkieandtheonering
Summary: Merry and Pippin's account of the War of the Rings.
1. On our way to Bree

The Sharkie Story!  
  
By: Sarah  
  
and Aileen  
  
   
  
Aileen:    My gifted friend decided she'd remake Lord of the Rings in a what if... form. What if I was the ring-bearer? Well I'd go to Mt. Doom and ask Sauron to hold the ring while I rest a bit.  
  
    Or I ask a Nazgul to hold my sword while I tie my shoe.  
  
    At any rate I'm a bummy failure. So of course if she was the ring- bearer she'd fail too. She's lazy and has to be strapped to a horse and told to go to Mt. Doom. Upon arrival she won't go up and asks for a slingshot. We all know what she's going to do, but anyway. She shoots the ring straight at a Nazgul flying over Mt. Doom.  
  
Sarah:    I just think that if we were on the Fellowship, we'd make the story a little more interesting. One example would be that we'd be the only characters to prove that there is an obvious relationship between Frodo and Sam. Try to hook them up or something.  
  
What's really funny is when this girl got the ring. We were at Mount Doom, all ready to throw the ring in. Aragorn asks where the ring is to throw it in. What happens? She says she left the ring on the nightstand in Lothlorien. Of course, the Nazgul hear this and go to get the ring. And I'm the one who's bad?! Not really.  
  
   
  
Aileen:    Seeing as we're both total losers alone what would happen if both of us went together as Merry (me) and Pippin (her)? Well, now we'll see ( by the way I like weed):  
  
   
  
    At Bilbo's eleventyfirst birthday party Pippin and I decide to play with the fireworks. we take the flamethrower and aim it at the cart.  
  
    Pippin: " Won't Gandalf get angry?"  
  
    "No way", I answer.  
  
    We fire the blast. All of the fireworks go off simultaneously including the big dragon one. the blast was such that a couple of hobbits were roasted to death.  
  
    I didn't feel too great," Aww, damn!"  
  
    Gandalf comes up looking very pissed. I'm there thinking aloud," Man, I could use some weed..." Pippin jabs me and says," Shutup we have to run!" Man was Gandalf angry. But, hey, all we had to do was wash dishes, we didn't even have to bury the dead hobbits. Pippin was gonna wash, I would dry. Simple enough. As I was stacking the plates on the table I noticed a slight tilt, but it was only a small tilt. So I kept on stacking till all of them crashed onto the floor.  
  
    'Good thing those aren't ours',I thought. Gandalf was apparently dead tired and just shook his head, muttering. He did however kick us out. so we were walking along when I smelled chocolate. It seemed to be coming from Farmer Maggots house.  
  
    "Why don't we get some?" I asked jumping over the fence.  
  
    " Sure, why not?" He followed me. I'm obsessed with chocolate and that farmer had tons of cocoa trees. So naturally we stole all the beans we could.  
  
    "Crap, he set his dogs on us! Merry hurry up!" He was already jumping over the fence. Farmer Maggot was coming at us holding a scythe and yelling.  
  
    " I'm coming!" I had to have more chocolate. We got over the fence and into the bushes when we ran into Sam and Frodo knocking them down. (Right now Frodo is carrying the ring to Rivendell.) We roll into the road. Frodo starts turning blue and hyperventilating saying, wheezingly," We must get off the road! Now!"  
  
    The guy was about to die so we did. We hid under a tree and then walked to the forest. There was something about the place that felt bettr than weed to Merry. Eventually everyone except Frodo falls asleep and is eaten by a tree.  
  
    Later they woke up at Tom's house. They met his girlfriend and apparently Pippin didn't like Tom very much because he planted him as a garden gnome before they went to Bree. 


	2. The Sharkies in Lorien

The Sharkie Story!  
  
By: Sarah  
  
and Aileen  
  
They keep walking until they reach Lothlorien. Galadriel and Celeborn greet the newcomers and they all get settled in the rooms given to them, all except for Legolas, who goes to hang out with the Elves, and Frodo who just can't sleep. As Frodo is walking along he was being followed, by a long procession of radically religious Elves chanting loudly in Elvish and holding huge white books, bigger than a Bible. Frodo didn't even notice and kept walking along to wherever he was going. All of a sudden Legolas screams a God's name several times and collapses on the ground unconscious. One of the Elves looks around making sure no one is looking and says they should take Legolas to the sacrificial altar. Four of them grab him and carry him off. Frodo is still totally oblivious to his surroundings. He turns around and doesn't get that Boromir is trying to steal the Ring.  
  
Aragorn asks him," Do you know what's happening?"  
  
Frodo looks up and answers," No." Boromir is still trying to loose the Ring off the chain.  
  
Aragorn hits him on the head," Stop trying to steal the Ring!" then turning to Frodo," They're going to sacrifice Legolas!"  
  
Frodo, Boromir and Aragorn run after the procession on the way they meet up with Sam, Merry and Pippin. The Elves are still loudly chanting and over it all the Fellowship hears Sam say," Oh my stars! Legolas is such a dear, dear friend of ours we must go save him at once!"  
  
Merry just got it," Kill Legolas?"  
  
"Cool", Pippin said.  
  
Aragorn looks down at them and mutters," Stupid junkies."  
  
They all keep running following the sound of the Elves, who were so into the chant they were nearly screaming. Then it all goes quiet and the company barely manages to stop right at the entrance to their altar place. There was standing in front of the glowing altar in a bloody white tunic…Elrond! But this was some kind of rabid Elrond holding a pink sword (kind of a Barbie samurai sword if they ever make one of those). Legolas was still out cold because he was screaming too much and not enough oxygen was reaching his brain. The entire company was very distracted so Boromir tries again to steal the Ring. Aragorn sees him again and takes the flat side of his sword and smacks him on the face with it," Stop it!"  
  
Just as Elrond is about to stab Legolas Aragorn jumps in the way and the sword bounces off him, since it's rubber, and with the same force hits Elrond's face and knocks him out.  
  
Arwen runs up to him and says," You killed my father. I love you!"  
  
Legolas starts to wake up and asks Aragorn," Why are you on…" but it was too much effort and he falls down again. Suddenly all the Elves from Lorien turn into Sharkies, Legolas and Arwen aren't from Lorien so they stay normal. Merry and Pippin recover from the shock of it all and run in with bags and start collecting all the Sharkies. They find one with a large ring around one flipper, turns out it's Galadriel. They all go through Lorien and Merry finds more weed than he'd ever seen while Pippin finds a lot of nice shiny stuff, Merry thought he had the better deal since he got weed and nice stuff. Once everyone has everything they want they leave. 


	3. The break-up of the Fellowship

Once they were on the boats in the river rowing away everyone relaxed a little after the whole sharkies ordeal. In fact Merry relaxed a bit too much, he fell asleep with his face underwater and Pippin had to lift him up with his paddle. He got up sputtering and wet but the rocking of the boat was too much and he was soon asleep again only this time he fell forward onto Boromir. Boromir didn't know what to do and just kept paddling until Merry woke up.  
  
"Aahhh!" he yelled jumping away to the helm of the little boat: that was the farthest point from Boromir and it wasn't too far since the boats were so small. 'What was I thinking?… Hey is that bread on his boat?' He had been in such horror at where he had fallen asleep until he saw the loaf on Pippin's boat and jumped across the gap between the boats and crashed into Pippin, knocking him down.  
  
"You could say sorry." Pippin complained.  
  
But Merry was very busy freeing the sharkies into the water where they belonged. He took one of the bags and dumped all the sharkies in. Sadly the sharkies floated belly up for a long time before absorbing too much water and sinking except for one sharkie that had a huge white ring one on flipper and sank before Legolas could catch it.  
  
" ELF-KILLER!" he yelled," That was Galadriel now what will happen to all of us that she's gone!" But too bad for Legolas he was in another boat and couldn't get at Merry.  
  
Then out of nowhere Merry screams. "Hey! Look it's Gollum!" At that everyone turns around and glares very angrily at him. (They never saw Gollum again.)  
  
"You idiot", Aragorn half whispered half-yelled," Now every Orc within ten MILES probably heard you!" now he was so angry he was yelling louder than Merry. From then on no one spoke until they reached shore. Once on shore everyone split up. Frodo and Sam ran away together with the Ring, Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn left to case the Orcs which they thought had stolen Pippin and Merry. Actually they weren't kidnapped at all, the Orcs had come and they had glared at them until they left. But since they had no Fellowship to go back to, they decided to follow the Orcs and see where they were going and they in turn were followed by the unknowing Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. 


	4. Reunion on the way to Isengard

Eventually they lost track of the Orcs and Merry and Pippin found Fangorn and Treebeard. The Ents weren't very exciting and Pippin fell asleep completely while Merry, having found no new weed, just sat and listened to the Ents ramble on and on 'till they set out and arrive at Isengard. There they waited for the Fellowship to arrive looking very tired. But they didn't even notice because they had found the best beer and the finest weed in Middle-Earth and had a little too much of both.  
  
"Hello…"Aragorn trailed off. He just didn't know what to say at seeing them. There. Wasted. Without a care in the world.  
  
Pippin attempted to move but it hurt so he just dropped back to the stairs and sort of gurgled a "Hey." Merry couldn't do anything.  
  
"We were following the Orcs to rescue you. How did you get away?" Aragorn continued.  
  
Merry rolled over and said that they had never been taken prisoner to begin with and Pippin finished by saying that they had followed the Orcs as far as they could.  
  
That got Gimli extremely annoyed." Why did we even bother…" but he was interrupted by Legolas.  
  
" Yeah Merry's an Elf-killer!" and proceeded to kick Pippin because he couldn't figure out anything to say to him. Pippin rolled off to the base of the tower. Merry seeing this decided it was time to wake up or risk bodily injury.  
  
All this time Gandalf had ignored their arguing and had taken the chance to deal with Saruman alone without interruptions. It had worked and Wormtongue had just thrown the Palantir out but Gandalf was still talking to Saruman and didn't pick it up just then. So Pippin seeing it decides it looks very nice and wanted to play ball with Merry. He had to wake up anyway or Legolas might kick him again and playing catch sounded fun enough. Merry was also awake but he got bored and started smoking…again.  
  
" Hey, Merry!" He yelled lifting the Palantir as Gandalf turned around and saw what was happening. " Catch." And it was in the air. All eyes were on the crystal sphere and its direct course to Merry, who was now on his third pipe.  
  
" Huh!??" Merry looked up confused.  
  
" Noo! Someone catch it!" Gandalf yelled. Too bad it was a fastball and it was just over Merry, who was so high he thought it was in slow-motion and just stood there wondering what it was. And then CRASH! It hit the ground and shattered.  
  
" What was that?" Merry asked looking at it like it was a pile of crap. By now everyone had had enough of this.  
  
Gandalf was the angriest and barely managed to sputter everyone's opinion through his anger." You told the Nazgul about Rivendell! YOU HANDED THE RING TO SAURON! And now you destroy the only connection to Mordor!!!"  
  
" But Frodo has the Ring in … in…uhh??" Who knows where Frodo is and what he's doing certainly not the local pothead Merry. 


	5. The War has ended

Everyone pretty much abandoned them to go talk to the Ents about keeping Saruman in line but they followed them without being heard and eventually arrived at Rohan again. The remains of the Fellowship went to see the King and told the guards to take the Hobbits to the stables and leave them there for a while, which they did. Everyone felt that any idea to keep distance between them was a good one, not this one. Merry was following Pippin all around the stables when he stopped.  
  
"Hey doesn't this horse look a bit too perfect?" He asked.  
  
"You mean," Pippin said turning back," too much like a statue?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"So kick it and see if it's alive." Pippin had heard that if something feels pain then it will react and even if kicking a huge horse wasn't such a great idea he was too drunk to care and besides it was Merry doing the kicking not him.  
  
"Alright." And he did. Very hard. A bit too hard because he broke its leg.  
  
'Maybe no one will notice.'Merry thought nervously.  
  
"Damn you idiot now we have to run." Pippin smacked his head.  
  
They attempted to run but they could barely jog without feeling dizzy.  
  
The next day Merry finds out it was Shadowfax's leg he broke. Gandalf officially hated him. Legolas hated Merry and Gimli never liked them very much to begin with. Aragorn was too busy, trying to avoid Eowyn and get his throne back, to care.  
  
Gandalf had to go on ahead to Gondor to do wizard things and as a punishment for breaking the Palantir he took Pippin with him.  
  
   
  
Eventually they all reunite in Gondor just before the big battle and everything was in chaos.  
  
Denethor had been trying to kill his innocent son and Pippin, a member of the guard, had set out to save him. And he succeeded he managed to get Faramir to safety while locking Denethor inside his burning cave and frying him to death. Just as he's running out he sees Merry for the first time in forever. They have no time to talk and go off to battle Sauron's forces.  
  
Merry saw a Nazgul running toward Arwen and decided to save her. He ran and ran till he was right in front of the beastly creature and then grabbed onto its cape so it wouldn't escape. Too bad for Merry now that it had no cape and wasn't visible in this world it left to safety. And Merry passed out. When the battle ended Pippin found him grabbed him by the wrist and dragged over every sharp rock in Gondor to take him to the Healing Houses. They meet up with Aragorn at the entrance and by now Merry is half-dead.  
  
Aragorn looks at him and asks Pippin," What happened to him?"  
  
"The Nazgul did this. He. He. You see was a big fight and ...and…"  
  
Merry barely managed a whisper of," Liar." Before Pippin ran into the Healing Houses still dragging him over every rock. But Pippin wasn't done yet, as Aragorn healed Merry he took his sack and stole all the weed. When Merry woke up the next morning and went for his weed from Isengard he found a couple of ashes, Pippin didn't want to litter, and a couple of worthless leaves that broke when he touched them. He was so angry but no one would let him get up or listen to him so he was stuck.  
  
Pippin came running in in the middle of Merry's sulking screaming "NO! NO! NO! You can't make me!"  
  
"Come back here Pippin! You have to go fight! You're friend is injured and we need every soldier we can get. Come back!" Aragorn yelled running in after Pippin. Merry sat there very amused thinking 'maybe he would pay for the stealing of the weed.'  
  
As he was running Pippin was caught by Gimli and put in a strategically placed catapult near a window.  
  
"Shut up! And sit still," said Gimli while holding him down," hurry up!" he yelled at Aragorn who came and cut the ropes and sent Pippin flying into the midst of 1,000 Orcs all the while screaming. By now Merry was cracking up while anyone who could went to the window to watch him land as they laughed.  
  
Then everyone hears a loud horn and they all watch as many, many random people come and kill all the Orcs and save Pippin who returns as soon as he can.  
  
Back in the Healing Houses Frodo had just returned and everyone was cheering. Pippin took the liberty of borrowing Legolas' bow and arrows and went to hide in a corner. From there he took careful aim and shot an arrow at Frodo, he totally missed and when Sam nearly attacked him he turned and blamed Merry. Merry had gotten new weed from Frodo and was conscience enough to find out what was happening.  
  
" It waaasn't mee…" He was being dragged of to jail and Legolas was taking his stuff back which Pippin had conveniently thrown onto Merry's bed and just for good measure he glared down at Pippin. After a couple of visits to the dungeons Pippin was 'convinced' that Merry should be let out. So they both agreed to accuse Gimli and have him arrested and since he didn't help out at all in the story, not even in dwarfish Moria, everyone agreed and he was arrested in Merry's place. After he was set free he met up with Sam and Frodo who were going to go back to Hobbiton and Pippin who was trying his hardest to not strangle them all.  
  
  


	6. The true Sharkie is revieled!!!

Once they arrived they heard about Sharkie and how feared he was. The Hobbits just look at each other and start laughing.  
  
"Don't you understand? He is very powerful and you mustn't laugh, it's disrespectful and you'll be punished." A very frightened Hobbit whispered. Sam and Frodo remembered Lorien but managed to get under control, Merry and Pippin couldn't and laughed themselves to tears. They looked at each other and bust out with two stuffed animal Sharkies and laugh even harder.  
  
Both of them start chanting,"Sharkie! Sharkie! Sharkie!"  
  
Merry went overboard and started to run around and around holding the sharkie above his head until he tripped on a root and falls on himself and while laughing, being high, and trying to say sharkie crawled over to the other Hobbits and said in a very wasted voice' Shaarrkieee…" His eyes are glazed over. They were very weirded out and walked over to Bag end.  
  
Pippin decides that looks like fun and joins Merry in greeting Saruman when he comes out.  
  
They smile at each other evilly and shove the Sharkies in his face hyperly yelling over and over "Sharkies!"  
  
"That is a name of fear and it evokes respect!" The Sharkie tries in vain to argue.  
  
Merry and Pippin just laugh and keep saying Sharkie until he runs away in fear of our stupidness. But Merry doesn't let him get away that easily and throws the MONDO SHARKIE at him and he falls off a cliff, the mondo sharkie was just a very fat Elf from Lorien (apparently there were fat Elves, this was news for Legolas too.)  
  
Well 'Sharkie' was taken care of and Hobbiton was free so Frodo announces that he's going over the Sea with Gandalf and the Elves to live in peace. Merry goes and follows him on board.  
  
Legolas sees him and screams," Row faster!" And Merry almost misses the boat.  
  
" I want peace now! Get him off this boat!" Frodo yelled. Merry is immediately kicked off the boat and into the ocean. That got Merry kind of angry, he was still high, and he pulled out another Sharkie and threw it perfectly at Legolas' head. But before Legolas could do anything Merry dove under and went to shore.  
  
Him and Pippin decide to go back to Gondor since everyone left, and there was nothing to do but be with Sam, and that was inconceivable. They go straight for the court of their old buddy Aragorn. As soon as they are taken to the throne room Merry has to go and embarrass them in front of Aragorn and Arwen.  
  
"Sharkie is Almighty and will take over!" He yells. Pippin had been inching away and now walked to Aragorn and started telling him about the mondo Sharkie and Saruman in Hobbiton. Merry had gotten quiet and snuck behind his throne. In a bag he found a hand puppet, he had made on the way there, of a Sharkie and put it on. He softly said Sharkie over and over again near Aragorn and then suddenly it bites Aragorn's ear as he screams triumphantly "Sharkies have taken over!" Aragorn had been so surprised he had jumped out of his throne and Merry jumped in and he threw the remaining bag of Sharkies at all the guards.  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
The End! 


End file.
